This is what I drank in training, and the Ironman. Now it's the Goofy Challenge

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Overwhelmed, and Tired

Well it's been a little while since I updated my blog. Here is what is new; I am failing two of my three classes at Douglas. I am arguing with the government about my disability income. I have put up with the tenants upstairs, partying night after night. I have been threatened. There has been another tenant beat up. We have had the police here 4 nights in a row. We had some little punk pull the fire alarm in the building and then jump in his car and take off at 1:45 am in the morning.

We have had night after night of noise from the punks above me. There is a constant group of 14 to 18 people in a one-bedroom apartment, all about 16-18 years old. Now I am no moral authority, I really don't give a crap what you do. But when you wake me up, when I have to go up there night after night, when I get threatened, and yelled at by some 16 year old chick, who wants to see "her man" fight me. I call and wake up my landlord. I call the cops.

After calling the cops, I then got a nice "your a f*&%'ing rat" comments from these really tough, little small town white girls that think there gangster. You are from Canada people. You are White. You are not a "gangster", you would survive about 3 seconds in a major city, or gang infested area. Plus you are not my blood, your not my friends, if calling the cops when I get threatened makes me a rat, then your damn right I am a rat.

I started training a 10kl clinic at the running room, as I have had to take more time off work to focus on school. I am really enjoying running again, and I love running with a group of people. Being a clinic leader is definitely a learning curve, and it's allot more than just mapping the runs, and going out with a group of people. It is also going to help with the reduced income I have, as account of my having to drop shifts at work.

As far as school is going, it's had its ups and downs. I got really sick a little over a weak ago. I was either throwing up, or had massive diarrhea depending on the time of day. It completely overwhelmed me. I couldn't run, couldn't go to school. It was intense. I tried to use the time I was sitting in my bed at home to at least read, but my brain was so foggy I couldn't take in the information.

So I feel like I am a week behind in classes, and trying to catch up. The classes are moving at such a high rate of speed. I am taking a Biology class that is very intense, and I forgot to add my lab times into my schedule. It's another 8-12 hours per week. I just literally don't have enough time to do everything that needs to be done.

I had the worst day ever on the week I was sick. I tried to get to school, and made it to my Biology class. Just as class was starting I felt myself getting ready to puke. So I run to the bathroom, and vomit all over. Come back to class as it's starting and the teacher takes one look at me and sends me home. I had received a message from the government about my disability check a day or so before, and they required some additional information about my income and were withholding my cheque until they received it. I head to the office on the way home, dressed like crap, and feeling horrible, but thinking I have some free time might as well get this done.

I wait in line, and talk to a worker, who says I have not giving them the correct information. I let her know that I had given them all school, and income documents a month ago, just to avoid a situation like this. She advises me they don't have the information. She has me wait to talk to someone else. I wait in line (20 minutes) and wait to see some dude. I fill him in on the situation, and he says they have no documents of my income for the previous months, or my student loans. I tell them to write exactly what information they require and I will go get it.

I let the gentleman know I have a memory problem, so that is why I need it written it down. He laughs, and makes a comment that "I wish I could get money from the government for my poor memory to" This is the same guy who has said "I wish I could my poor memory declared a disability to" a few months ago. This pisses me off, but I take the letter and head back to school.

I wait in line at the Financial Aid department, and speak to a lady there. I tell her I need this information; she says they already gave it to me last month. I tell her I know, but the government doesn't have it so I need another copy. I head back down to social service. (the financial aid people at Douglas rock)

I wait in line (20 minutes) and talk to a different lady and explain why I am there. She takes my information and tells me to sit down. An hour goes buy. I get up and ask her how much longer it will be. She says that I have already been seen? I advise her I have not. She finds this humorous.

Now remember I am very sick. I should be at home. She looks at the information and tells me it is not the required information. I let her know (showing her the letter her co-worker rote) that this is exactly what I was told to get. She says it's not. I am getting frustrated. I clarify with her, exactly what I need. I head back to Douglas.

I wait in line at the Financial Aid office at Douglas; I speak to the same person, in Financial Aid, and let her know the Government employee, says I have the wrong information. She literally highlights the information she has giving me and rights "this is what you need" on it. So the worker will be able to interpret the information. She also rights a step-by-step way to read the information for the social service worker. I head back down to the Government. I throw up on the way.

I wait in line again (49 minutes) this time there is a gentlemen who is very upset, and defiantly from the rough area of town. He is freaking out, and the security guards stand close to him while he screams and yells, and threatens to kill the world. Eventually he calms down. I am seen and told to wait. I sit down and don't wait to long until my name is called. I hand in my documents, and this time they say they have this information already. That they don't require this, and to come back tomorrow. I think my eye started twitching at this point.

I advice them I can't come back tomorrow as I work. I am coming today because my rent check is going to be deposited by my landlord, and if I wait to come back, I will not have enough funds in my account for rent. I will also have NSF fees from my landlord, and my bank. I am told to wait again.

My name is called rather quickly, and I am told there is a check for me. The female who tells me this holds the check in front of me, and goes on to make a comment that "if you had giving us this information before, this wouldn't have happened". She then informs me in an accusatory tone "that I am going to be reviewed for my income".

I lose it at this point. I advise her that I gave the exact same information over a month ago. I have filled out all documents correctly, and if the comment "I am going to be reviewed" is meant to frighten me, it doesn't, as I have done nothing wrong. "If on the off chance, I do owe a fund, that’s fine, I will pay them back". I then went on a rant that I have never been so insulted, talked down, and treated like a second rate citizen. Her final words to me were "right a letter to the government".

Not only did I right a letter to the government, I contacted her boss, and am making a formal complaint. I have never talked to, or treated someone, with such disrespect or incompetence, I would be fired from my job. Why is it that Government employees feel like they can treat people like crap because they job is hard. My job is hard to. If I can't handle the job, I am either fired or I quit. Only employee's of the Government feel like there is some obligation to make life and their job easy for them. Like work is supposed to be some cakewalk of joy, and happiness. It's called work for a reason people!! Do your job. If you can't, quit. It's so fucked that the way they treat the system is that; if they are unable to do there job, if they suck at it, or if it's just not a good job for them; That the rest of the world is supposed to change what there expectations of there job(the social service workers is) responsibility's are. I mean can you imaging being busy at work, being stressed, and telling your boss, and customers, that it isn't fair. This is to hard, they need to change the requirements of the job to fit me better!! Only a freaking Union/Government person thinks that there employer has some obligation to make life easy for them. Yet these undereducated people have the right to act as some moral authority on what I am doing! They get to decide if I am working to hard or not hard enough. Where is the "treat people like you want to be treated" line of thinking here. I would love for them to have to put up with there own bizarre requirements in order to get a paycheck. To bad I can't take stress leave on a disability income!!

One good thing about this is my love for running seems to come out when I am getting frustrated at the world. Whenever I am pissed off, or feel like I have no control, I run. I seem to run better on the days I am upset or angry. I find myself biking from home to the running room, going for my clinic runs, then biking home. It's burning off some of the frustration. My marks are so low in school, I have no where to go but up. That's about it for now.

I am adding a Video of my apartment. I don't know why, I just wanted to.


mandy said...

Wow, that was some intense rant. It was intense. That is all.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Sorry to hear that everything has been so bad.
Mandy's reply sounds like something my sister would say to me on my blog.